


You run in looking really panicked and you ask for 6 gallons of milk why’ AU

by AnAngelsWasteland



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (I don't even play the trumpet I'm in color guard and I play percussion), AU, Davekat?, I guess this is davekat, I never know, M/M, Wow, lil davekat, not to blow my own trumpet or anything, supermarket au, there's just, these tags are great, this is the best fucking thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 21:23:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4364702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAngelsWasteland/pseuds/AnAngelsWasteland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Karkat Vantas. You're in a bit of a situation, and you can never buy milk in peace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You run in looking really panicked and you ask for 6 gallons of milk why’ AU

**Author's Note:**

> This is honestly the best au I've ever written.
> 
> Inspired by post from: http://cup-of-hot-coffee.tumblr.com/post/118599158660/job-aus

“I need 6 gallons of milk, _now_.” I say, nearly colliding with the cash register and the person on the clock. 

 

The hipster raises his eyebrows above his shades, showing me a look of confusion. “You’re going to have to physically go get 6 gallons of milk, then. I’m not going to grab them for you. This isn’t butler island, kiddo.”

 

“Excuse me, asshole. I am not a kid, I’m 18 god damn years old, and if I wasn’t in a situation right now, I would personally-“ The door opens. The horse charges. “oh fuCK!” _I am 100% totally fucked_ , I think, as I dive behind the unknown cashier. He gives me a look, to which I reply, “Shut the fuck up, and make him stop.” I say, pointing to the highly enraged asshole.

 

Thank god this asshole has a working think pan (or a somewhat helpful demeanor.) “Yo, Speed Racer, why don’t you ease outta mach 5, okay?” 

 

“No, this imbecile... this ignoramus- he rejected my lovely moirail, so now he must pay.” My assailant looks beyond enraged. This asshole is top-of-the-atmosphere-moon-and-back-over-the-edge pissed. Well, that and he’s sweating more the equivalent 600 obese men on hot ass summer day.

 

“Dude, are you okay? You’re got some hardcore perspiration going on. Do you want like… a towel, or a shower?”

 

“This is not of importance.” My assaulter is a god damn sociopath.

 

My knight in shinning workers uniform turns to me. “What the fuck even is a moirail? That like, a titty twisted way of saying friends with benefits? Maybe he should be beating you up.”

 

“You’re not helping, you flaming douchecanoe! Just make him stop.”

The attractive blonde doesn’t huff or scoff or anything like you’d expect any teenager working a nine-to-five job would do. Instead, he laughs. He actually fucking laughs. Full on, head back, complete and utter laughter. “Okay, listen. If y’all are gonna fight, then you can do it out in the front of the store, because I’m not going to let it happen here. I’ve got this shitty job to keep.” He turns to the horse-man, “Look, whatever this stubby little asshole did, he probably deserved it-“

 

“HEY! DICK CANON. I SAID HELP, NOT DESTROY WHAT LITTLE SELF ESTEEM I HAVE FOR MYSELF.”

 

His voice turns to a whisper as he looks at me. “You, hush. I’m saving your ass here.” The hipster turns back to the enraged horse. “Like I was saying, he probably deserved it. But look, you’re getting all hammered up over one little thing. Instead of beating the shit out of him, let him buy a gallon of milk, possibly some cookies, and you consult your… moirail, okay?”

 

Equius nods, as if satisfied by the thought of a gallon of milk and some time alone with his platonic romance with the crazy cat girl. Not only that, but he actually fucking smiled. Smiled. He was going to throw me off his high horse two seconds ago, and now he’s smiling, waving goodbye.

 

I turn to the worker. “Okay, how the fuck-“

 

He laughs, before saying: “Don’t worry about it. My name’s Dave. And from the look's of it… It seems like you owe me some coffee."


End file.
